Harry Potter vs Percy Jackson Rap Battle
by RenegadeForLife
Summary: A rap battle between Harry Potter and Percy Jackson.
1. Revised

Percy:

Ri ordain a fight

I'd be one-sidedly controlling

Stop the cameras, I can't do this

J.K. Keep it Rowling

I've got pity for you Potter

So I'll try to make it painless

But challenging a demigod

Was really kinda brainless

You wear your fluttery dresses

And wave your magical wands

I'm wielding armor and swords

Made of celestial bronze

You fought a little lord

I've battled Atlas and Ares

And those were just a couple

Of my weaker adversaries

He can come back from death?

Do you think I'm impressed?

Every monster can do that

It's annoying at best

* * *

Harry:

Stop the cameras?

I bet you hear that a lot

Since last time you were on film

You made a hideous blot

And even if we did ignore

All your overwhelming film fails

I'm the one the fans adore

I've got twenty times your book sales

If you come at me with a sword

You should prepare for a burial

I beat a bloody dark lord

I'm not afraid of you Ariel

I could surpass you by plenty

And here's all I'd really need

An under-powered Aguamenti

And a shit ton of gillyweed

I can't even keep track

Of all the spells that I've mastered

Should let you know, I've got a knack

For killing literal bastards

* * *

Percy:

You think your spells can scare me

Who are you trying to convince

Snape is dead, so take a lesson

From a real Half-Blood Prince

You're more famous than I

Can't contest that little zing

But just review your first class

Clearly fame isn't everything

Defeating a dark lord

Few tasks could be more vital

But it's sad you still think Tommy

Was deserving of the title

How are you scared to say his name

Can you answer that inquiry

The man keeps most his soul

in a tiara and his diary

Think you missed a horcrux

One last fight for you two

Harry Potter and the Wrath

Of Voldi's Vicious Tutu

* * *

Harry:

Nice line Percy

But do I really need to spell out

That my series fucking ended

Cause my author's not a sell-out

Yours just keeps on going

You've been replaced multiple times now

Please just bloody stop

I'm getting tired of your rhymes now

When Dementors tried to break me

Turned my fear into a teacher

Pushed through scenes just as horrific

As your movie double feature

I've seen loved ones die for me

And it has really took a toll, mate

You're an OP template hero

With a Mary Sueish soulmate

I'm a complex character

Displaying actual emotion

When you get sad or injured

You just jump into an ocean

But if you think my spells can't harm you

I'll just try one that's more potent

Maybe take a page from Circe

Turn you back into a rodent

You challenge every god you meet

Insult them to their faces

You're a reckless little shit

Leave the leading to the Graces

You may be a royal bastard

But I'll always hold the crown

So do us both a massive favor

Find yourself a way to drown

* * *

Percy:

You're blaming Rick for movies

That he openly reviled

While Rowling helped write every line

Inside the Cursed Child

So who's the bigger sell-out

Let's hear some honest rhymes

Lest I hold you accountable

For Grindlewald's Crimes

I know you've lost a lot of friends

But if you're done with your bereavements

I'd like to just go over

all your actual achievements

Don't take this wrong

I don't mean to be a preacher

But it's weird your first book climaxes

With you touching a teacher

Finding a secret chamber

Was not much of a hurdle

Cause you spent most of the book

In the girl's room with Myrtle

You faced some of your fears

Which I'm not unsympathetic to

But Crookshanks did a better job

Of catching Peter Pettigrew

You play your little games

And then get played for a doof

You give Voldemort a body

Running home with no proof

You think it's impressive

The little army you build

Got your headmaster arrested

And your godfather killed

Then watch Dumbledore die

He can't even try to block it

Cause you poisoned him to death

Over a regular locket

And when we get to your finale

Bullshit levels get insane

Next time do your PLOT a favor

And just board the fucking train

* * *

Harry:

This battle's dragging on

But I doubt I'll be conceding it

I'd mock you're whole series in kind

But that would require reading it

My wife started on your first book

But dropped it in the middle

Said Riordan's the only author

She'd rank below Riddle

Your girl is smarter than you

And Grover's more amusing

Jason is much stronger

Sans the curse you were abusing

I threw away my plot armor

Always ready to die

Anything less would be insulting

All those braver than I

Who gave their lives and their tears

For a war that lasted years

And if I faltered from my fears

Then I could never call them peers

So I'll draw Gryffindor's sword

Leave your hair clip in your purse

Could disarm you with a flick

Just blame Ares' little curse

I think I've more than made my point

But here's just a little bonus

I defeated Voldemort

Like Luke defeated Kronos

* * *

Percy:

You put a lot of trust

Into your mentor Potter

But to him you were really just

A lamb meant for slaughter

He left you with the Dursleys

Let your relatives enslave you

Spied on all your suffering

But never came to save you

What kind of magic sword

Can't even break a fucking locket

If you actually disarm me

I'll find Riptide in my pocket

You got married to a fan

Cause you're not too good with ladies

When MY mother tried to die for me

I stole her back from Hades

Did you think I'd be ashamed

That my allies are fantastic

If that's the way you function

I can see how things got drastic

I may be a little rusty

But the last time that I checked

A cohesive team of heroes

Must have mutual respect

While I may not be the smartest

I've outsmarted many gods

I've got loads of heroes helping

And we always beat the odds

You surround yourself with zeroes

I know beggars can't be choosers

I'm a legend leading heroes

You're a victim leading losers

* * *

Harry:

Despite the poorly written power-sets

Of Frank Zhang and Leo

Your worthless group of seven

Still has nothing on my trio

You're making all these threats

That you think I should be heeding

A dyslexic little child

Yelling at required reading

Claim you value your friends more than I

Here's a tip though

Try not to say that

In front of Calypso

Between all the action

And the quests you were braving

Did you ever ask yourself

If your gods deserved saving

Cause now I think I get why

Tom Riddle drew your complaint

Comparing him to your family

Our Dark Lord might be a saint

Now you say that you're rusty

So you may have forgotten

But a hero tries to fix things

When they see that they're rotten

While you're an expert at quelling

All the dissent and upheaval

I stand for the Greater Good

You just defend a lesser evil

And so the difference between us

If you want to unearth it

Is that I saved a world

That was actually worth it

**AN: Most of the changes I've made from the original version have been to Harry's later verses. I wasn't really happy with those for a couple of reasons. The main reason is that I remember the details of Harry Potter much more vividly than those of Percy Jackson. That made it a lot easier to come up with insults for Percy to use. Meanwhile Harry's taunts became kind of repetitive as the battle went on. The second reason is that, while both Percy and Harry are both humble by nature, Percy is a lot more willing to taunt his enemies or casually rag on his friends. This is almost the kind of thing I could imagine him doing for fun. His natural snark made it a lot easier to write him in character while Harry came off feeling weirdly arrogant and OOC.**

If you liked this rap battle you can check out the other ones I've written on my channel.

1\. **Sarge vs Church** (Both from Red vs Blue)

2\. **Vegeta vs Peridot** (From Dragon Ball Z and Steven Universe respectively)

3\. **Danny Phantom vs Jake Long** (From Danny Phantom and American Dragon: Jake Long)


	2. Original

Percy:

Ri ordain a fight

I'd be one-sidedly controlling

Stop the cameras, I can't do this

J.K. Keep it Rowling

I've got pity for you Potter

So I'll try to make it painless

But challenging a demigod

Was really kinda brainless

You wear your fluttery dresses

And wave your magical wands

I'm wielding armor and swords

Made of celestial bronze

You fought a little lord

I've battled Atlas and Ares

And those were just a couple

Of my weaker adversaries

He can come back from death?

Do you think I'm impressed?

Every monster can do that

It's annoying at best

* * *

Harry:

Stop the cameras?

I bet you hear that a lot

Since last time you were on film

You made a hideous blot

And even if we did ignore

All your overwhelming film fails

I'm the one the fans adore

I've got twenty times your book sales

If you come at me with a sword

You should prepare for a burial

I beat a bloody dark lord

I'm not afraid of you Ariel

I could surpass you by plenty

And here's all I'd really need

An under-powered Aguamenti

And a shit ton of gillyweed

I can't even keep track

Of all the spells that I've mastered

Should let you know, I've got a knack

For killing literal bastards

* * *

Percy:

You think your spells can scare me

Who are you trying to convince

Snape is dead, so take a lesson

From a real Half-Blood Prince

You're more famous than I

Can't contest that little zing

But just review your first class

Clearly fame isn't everything

Defeating a dark lord

Few tasks could be more vital

But it's sad you still think Tommy

Was deserving of the title

How are you scared to say his name

Can you answer that inquiry

The man keeps most his soul

in a tiara and his diary

Think you missed a horcrux

One last fight for you two

Harry Potter and the Wrath

Of Voldi's Vicious Tutu

* * *

Harry:

Nice line Percy

But do I really need to spell out

That my series fucking ended

Cause my author's not a sell-out

Yours just keeps on going

You've been replaced multiple times now

Please just bloody stop

I'm getting tired of your rhymes now

I went to school at Hogwarts

Trauma was my greatest teacher

Lived through scenes just as horrific

As your movie double feature

I've seen loved ones die for me

And it has really took a toll, mate

You're an OP template hero

With a Mary Sueish soulmate

I'm a complex character

Displaying actual emotion

When you get sad or injured

You just jump into an ocean

But if you think my spells can't harm you

I'll just try one that's more potent

Maybe take a page from Circe

Turn you back into a rodent

You challenge every god you meet

Insult them to their faces

You're a reckless little shit

Leave the leading to the Graces

You may be a royal bastard

But I'll always hold the crown

So do us both a massive favor

Find yourself a way to drown

* * *

Percy:

You're blaming Rick for movies

That he openly reviled

While Rowling helped write every line

Inside the Cursed Child

So who's the bigger sell-out

Let's hear some honest rhymes

Lest I hold you accountable

For Grindlewald's Crimes

I know you've lost a lot of friends

But if you're done with your bereavements

I'd like to just go over

all your actual achievements

Don't take this wrong

I don't mean to be a preacher

But it's weird your first book climaxes

With you touching a teacher

Finding a secret chamber

Was not much of a hurdle

Cause you spent most of the book

In the girl's room with Myrtle

You faced some of your fears

Which I'm not unsympathetic to

But Crookshanks did a better job

Of catching Peter Pettigrew

You play your little games

And then get played for a doof

You give Voldemort a body

And return with no proof

You think it's impressive

The little army you build

Got your headmaster arrested

And your godfather killed

Then watch Dumbledore die

He can't even try to block it

Cause you poisoned him to death

Over a regular locket

And when we get to your finale

Bullshit levels get insane

Next time do your PLOT a favor

And just board the fucking train

* * *

Harry:

This battle's dragging on

But I doubt I'll be conceding it

I'd mock you're whole series in kind

But that would require reading it

My wife started on your first book

But dropped it in the middle

Said Riordan's the only author

She'd rank below Riddle

Your mind is handicapped

And it's easy to perplex it

So how could you rap better

Than a man who's not dyslexic

Your girl is smarter than you

And Grover's more amusing

Jason is much stronger

Sans the curse you were abusing

You say that you're the hero

But I think you're just a phony

Can't even fucking fly

Without your daddy's little pony

I'm the better student

With a far better professor

You're Chiron's latest failure

While I'm Dumbledore's successor

I drew Gryffindor's sword

Leave your hair clip in your purse

I would disarm you in an instant

Just blame Ares' little curse

I've more than made my point

But here's a little bonus

I defeated Voldemort

Just like Luke defeated Kronos

* * *

Percy:

You put a lot of trust

Into your mentor Potter

But to him you were really just

A lamb meant for slaughter

He left you with the Dursleys

Let your relatives enslave you

Spied on all your suffering

But never came to save you

What kind of magic sword

Can't even break a fucking locket

If you actually disarm me

I'll find Riptide in my pocket

You got married to a fan

Cause you're not too good with ladies

When MY mother tried to die for me

I stole her back from Hades

Did you think I'd be ashamed

That my allies are fantastic

If that's the way you function

I can see how things got drastic

I may be a little rusty

But the last time that I checked

A cohesive team of heroes

Must have mutual respect

While I may not be the smartest

I've outsmarted many gods

I've got loads of heroes helping

And we always beat the odds

You surround yourself with zeroes

I know beggars can't be choosers

I'm a legend leading heroes

You're a victim leading losers

* * *

Harry:

You're fighting legendary titans

And look down on lords and kings

But I fight literary titans

Like the Lord of the Rings

You're making all these threats

That you think I should be heeding

Like a dyslexic little child

Yelling at required reading

You claim your friends are better

But I'm tired of your gabbin'

Hermione is smarter

Than the whole Athena cabin

Ron may sometimes falter

But I'll always trust the man

Grover would betray you

At a single word from Pan

Think it's pretty clear by now

My trio's fucking golden

But I wouldn't waste their time

On such an easy little scoldin'

You really thought you could defeat me

But my victory was definite

Would've realized that by now

If your attention wasn't deficit

But even if you'd known

Couldn't really have prevented it

You're a member of our genre

While I basically invented it


End file.
